The problem is also social conditioning. Many of us have made it a virtue to be frugal penny counters who do not enjoy spending. To complain when one has to spend, to bargain while buying, to postpone buying and spending, to make do with less even if one desires more, are all virtuous behaviors for many of us.
First, the mind manages allocations well, even if money is a single indivisible pool. Identify and earmark extras that are easier to spend as compared to spending the corpus or main income.
Spending the dividend income on an annual holiday; using the rental income to buy some clothes; or allocating the income from the ad hoc consulting assignment to buy something one coveted for long, are all plays on the mental accounting habit.
Second, appreciating the difference between being frugal and being stingy is critical. While constantly criticizing the young for being wasteful, the elder generation likes to make an example of its frugality.
Third, accept that you are as important and precious as the others in the family. There is no need to undermine your needs and comforts, even as you go to great lengths for everyone else. Parents, who eat leftovers at the table without ordering food for them, are pitied not respected.
Fourth, do not make it known that you are compromising. It makes everyone else cringe. You don’t have to grab the best on offer and be glaringly selfish. But when the discussion about a spend comes up, let your preference be known.
Fifth, don’t throw a tantrum. Each one of us has a line that we mentally draw, about how generous we can be. It is a personal watermark our hearts know. Do not strive to be better than that limit. Anger, resentment, tantrum and discord will ensue. If someone else is spending, be gracious.
Sixth, don’t obsess about leaving a fortune for your children. They may not need it. Allocate a portion of your wealth for yourself. Make sure you choose comfort for yourself, and be willing to use your wealth for your needs and desires.
Seventh, every spend need not result in a physical outcome and a product. Life is rich by its experiences. If you must have a car to be able to drive out to watch the sun and the moon and stars, prioritize that spend for the everyday joy it brings.
Eighth, every spend need not be on yourself. If there are poorer sections of people that come into your everyday life, extend yourself to bring joys into their lives. If you have more wealth than you can spend, you owe it to society to share.
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